Eye for an eye

I will turn into a tree

and not feel.

I refuse any reality 

I refuse any sort of consolation or love

I scream but my scream 

is not loud enough for them to hear

my skin is neither yellow

nor wrinkly 

I am perfect in their eyes - immortal and strong

If you are going through hell, keep going

If you are going through hell, keep going

The bright words from bright mouths: 

the detached, feelingless advice 

that I grab with both hands. 

No, thank you, I say.

No. I do not accept

anymore 

not a word

not a knock

not an apology that would have never come

not a thank you

I do not need those.

You turned me into this: a tentacled creature

I am now.

The tree never falls

The tree will always be there

rooted and old 

I gather myself - (or what you left of me)

a small bone, a hand, a knee

and paste them back together like a hand-me-down doll. 

I devour, I consume you whole 

like a viper, choking each memory until there is nothing left 

swallowing and crushing each feeling that exhausted me 

The story behind shut doors, shut hearts

did I make it up? (did I make you up)

You were right -

life is all an act

we make up stories to tell, we make up people to love, we make up pain to give us

the illusion that we are alive.  (did I make you up)

One day I will rise 

I will come back: an indissoluble shadow

that will kill, that will kill.