Metamorphosis

I seek absolute silence.
For days and days,
I tried to find a way to seal everything up.
Pull down the curtains, turn off the lights, lock up the doors.

I thought that if I shut my eyes tight enough
I will forget.
Nothing happened, but the chimeric dance of yellow and orange light
Painted my pupils.

I thought that if I permeate my ears with the ancient sound of my piano
I will forget.
Nothing happened, but the echoes reverberated the walls of my mind,
Amplifying your voice.

I thought that maybe if I engross myself
In mundane thoughts
If I enshroud myself
With pages and words
They might offer an answer, or at least
An illusive solace.

Nothing happened.

The more I try to forget,
To suppress and mask,
The more I find you.

I find you in everything:
In stories
In strangers
In the face of rocks
In eerie reflections of black lakes.

There is no way out
And like a mirror I swallow you,
You -
The abiding barnacle
Phoenixlike and impervious.

Every morning, fractions of me
Desquamate like cells
Until one day I wake to find
Your face instead of mine
Rising, rising, rising.